This post is a continuation to:
Day 323: Attraction, part 1
Today I focused on writing privately about specific people and interesting stuff emerged. I was losing concentration on studying because these people kept on popping up in my thoughts. I will share some of the SF with names censored.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe
it is justifiable to have a “goal” in mind when interacting with
another person, not realizing that my justification is “because it
would feel nice”, which is my desire talking: the desire would be
fulfilled (I would “feel nice”) when the goal would be reached.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place
X into a “special” position where he is allowed to occupy my
mind on an obsessive level – not realizing it's not even X himself in my mind but my image presentation of X, the paper doll
I play around with in my scenarios – and that the real X here
in the 3D I cannot predict because he is his own individual being who
makes his own choices – which is why our interaction is created in
the flesh and not within my thoughts.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe
and perceive it is justifiable to be mentally occupied by thinking of
another person because there is an attraction and it is “natural”
to be obsessed – not realizing that this mind-wankery amounts to
nothing at all as the real interaction with this person is not
created in the mind but in the physical when and as it is here
and not a moment before.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be
impatient to explore my relationship to X because he is not here
right now, and to thus resort to playing around with the mind-puppets
by replaying past moments in my head again and again – not asking
myself where this impatience comes from.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be
impatient to interact with a person I feel attracted towards, not
realizing that impatience is wanting to be “there” already – to
be in a future moment – not realizing that when I want to be in the
future I neglect the present moment, which is all there
actually is, the only thing that verifiably exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to escape my
present moment into the future because in the future there is
something “exciting” which makes my present moment seem “less”
in comparison – not realizing that the “more” in the future is
actually excitement energy and nothing that would concretely
make that moment more full of opportunities or such – and that the
present moment is actually just “as good” as the future moment,
but that they're just different in the opportunities they provide.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe
and perceive that the future I am impatient to live within is
“better” than the present moment I live within right now because
the future moment contains energy whereas the present moment doesn't.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not
realize that a moment that contains high amounts of energy is just
that – a moment with energy – and that measured in breath that
moment is equal to all the other moments of my life.
When and as I get impatient to be in a future moment already, I stop,
I breathe and I realize that I am disregarding the present moment by
longing for the future. I breathe and I remind myself that measured
in breath each and every moment of my life is equal, and that the
future I crave for is equal to the present moment I am breathing in.
I ask myself what makes the future moment appear “better” and I
utilize self-forgiveness to release the energy in question. I then
look at my present moment from within and as breath and I move myself
according to what is here now, and I release the future to be lived
when and as it is actually HERE.
All of the above also applies to wanting to return to a past moment and replaying the past moment in the mind to re-live the energy one experienced. It's always away from HERE, be it in the past or the future.
I'll continue again tomorrow.
Ei kommentteja:
Lähetä kommentti