Here I am investigating a point that opened up as I examined the phrase "I hope we'll get back together" concerning relationships. I'll expand more on what I'm going through in my next post.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to hope/wish that we'd get back together, not
realizing hope is a form of want/need/desire.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to believe there is something grand or beautiful
about hope, not realizing it is too an act of dependency and
abdicating one's responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to associate the word hope with beautiful images,
such as couples vowing for eternal love above all obstacles, or
nations rising against their dictators.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within the picture of lovers triumphing over obstacles I state that love exists, that the obstacles are an “enemy” that needs to be “conquered”, that the relationship is “special” and “deserves” to exist, that the world is “evil” for keeping this “special” couple “meant for each other” apart, that the experience of victory is all that matters.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within the picture of nations rising against their dictators I state that the nation is a hero that acts on my behalf, that the dictators are an “enemy” that needs to be “conquered”, that things will be better as long as “the enemy” is slain with no regard to how it's actually done, that the experience of victory is all that matters.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize what structures these images of hope hold within themselves: separation, competition, delusion and irresponsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not realize that as I hope I live as
separation, competition, delusion and irresponsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not realize that as I hope for a person to
“come back to me” I live as separation (seeing him to have more
power over the situation than me), competition (I wish to be chosen over everyone else), delusion (believing the world functions as images) and irresponsibility (not carrying my responsibility to
direct the situation by placing the power to do so in the hands of
the other).
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not realize what I mean by “coming back to
someone”.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to see images where another decides to “give in”
to another's wishes and think this is “coming back to someone”.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to see images where another is holding all the
control over the situation and may keep it all to himself if he so
wishes, maybe “giving in” to my wishes or maybe not.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not realize that as long as I live within hope
I live as inequality and separation, because I then place all the
directive power over the situation in the hands of another.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself envision pictures where I have a secret motive
all the time, trying to persuade another to “give in”, not
realizing the secret motive in itself is causing the resistance for
the other to “give in” in actual reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to think of this as a game where another holds
back something the other wants, the other just circling around long
enough to find the point where the point of “giving in” is
triggered, not realizing this is not a game and that these are not
the rules we play according to; that the other one is an individual
person who might choose to not obey the rules.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to stick to the images of this game because the
thought of not being in a game where another is bound to give in at
some point has been too fearsome.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to escape the reality into these images of hope
games.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not realize hope is to project oneself into the
future and be blind to all the opportunities that are here to
actually direct the situation and create one's future.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not realize hope is fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not realize hope is to abdicate one's
responsibility to direct one's life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not realize that hope is fear because it is
used as an escape of what is actually here by living as a
want/need/desire of “something better”.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not realize hope is to fear that which is here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to hope for a “better future” as a nice image,
not tackling the actual issues that are here in order to create that
better future for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not realize the images of hope will never come
true as I see them, because images are two-dimensional and never
completely compatible with the actual reality – when I bring 2D
into 3D there will be a dimension I have not foreseen, and that is
the actual reasons and consequences of the situation.
I commit myself to stop living as hope
and to realize what I'm facing here in actuality.
I commit myself to work on the issues
I'm walking here in order to create my future by standing as my own directive principle.
I commit myself to no longer escape
into hope as images in my mind.
I commit myself, when and as I go into
hopeful images, to stop and breathe and to remind myself hope is
fear, irresponsibility and escapism. I commit myself to forgive
myself for living as hope as fear, irresponsibility and escapism,
continue breathing and release the experience, and proceed working on
the issues that I'm facing here.
I commit myself to investigate the
images of hope for more information on how to work on my issues and
to write them down.
I commit myself to realize images are
not real, but just a caricature of reality.
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