25-26102012
A point I've noticed about my “customer
service” personality is that every now and then I get pissed off at
customers and think it is justified. A couple of days ago I had a
really “bad” day at work – meaning I was constantly late with
my tasks and perceived myself to be overworked and busy, and my
frustration with the situation and with myself as I was not stopping
myself even though I knew I eventually had to accumulated into a
point where I was angry at everyone and doing my best to hide it.
When the rush of customers finally slowed down I stopped myself and
slowed myself with breathing and self-forgiveness to such a state
that felt like being on sedative drugs, lol, and all of the stress
simply vanished. All of my being was so slow I was afraid someone
would think I'm actually on drugs, although the state of being was
really comfortable to be in – a curious fear that has nothing to do
with the point here. So: It was good to notice I indeed can stop
myself even though this time I let it accumulate before I did. I've
had similar kind of situations before where I have had a break-down
as a result, and I'm glad I showed myself it can be avoided.
There are different sorts of situations
where my annoyance arises.
- A customer is abusive (towards me or anyone)
- A customer looks down on me / is arrogant
- A customer demands for extra-service
- A customer creates disturbance (noise etc.)
- A customer doesn't greet or thank me
- A customer happens to come in while I'm busy
- A customer doesn't wait for his/her turn
Alright. The only point where the
customer actually holds no or very little responsibility over the
situation is “coming in while I'm busy”. That is where simply
seeing more people I “have to” serve makes me shout inside my
head “please don't come in please please please” - going into
panic because I perceive myself unable to serve them according to
their expectations. I have been working through this by reminding
myself that I work to the best of my abilities within this physical
reality and that I cannot work in super-human speed or efficiency,
and that in order for me to deliver all orders I need patience and
more realistic expectations in return from the customers. This is
something I usually openly tell the customers if I'm busy and it's
mostly understood, but sometimes I limit myself through some fear and
don't mention the line of orders I have and end up with disappointed
customers waiting for longer than they thought they would.
The rest of those points is me reacting
to the behavior of another. I still perceive a waitress to be a very
disrespected profession, as do many, and react every time I perceive
someone to look down on me because of the way I make a living. I do
not want to be in a position where it is “allowed” to abuse me,
not realizing I accept and allow myself to be in that position
myself. Even though I know this and do not allow myself to be
actually abused, the annoyance surfaces because of the unfair
expectations I perceive to be at play. As I write this I'm starting
to realize how allowing myself to be pissed off is allowing myself to
be abused – some customers may want to see a waitress annoyed, yes,
but I'm not talking about the other getting that kind of “kicks”
but about my self-abuse. Every time I react with annoyance I state
the abusive expectations to be valid.
So I perceive another to expect he/she
can abuse me. I then react to the assumed expectations, which I
cannot be sure of as I rarely ask about them directly, and when they
are not on the table I cannot disprove them and the customer may not
even realize what they're expecting of another human being – a
communication point. When and as I react with annoyance I actually
believe the statuses I perceive the customer to be expecting, not
wanting to participate in them, and through the fear of being “less”
I become angry to survive the situation. I may then try to hide my
annoyance by behaving in a friendly way (not actual kindness), but
usually I make stingy remarks that would be commonsensical statements
of facts if it weren't for the slight aggression I speak them
through.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to believe other people to have
expectations/demands about the way I work, and that I have accepted
and allowed myself to validate and create those imagined expectations
by believing them to be “necessary” and compromising myself when
and as I work in order to live up to those expectations.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to let my stress accumulate into panic in a busy
work situation instead of stopping and releasing the stress when and
as it occurs and redirecting myself in action.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not realize I create my stress and thus am
responsible for it as I believe others to have expectations about the
way I work, and that in order to fulfill those expectations I need to
constantly push myself to work more efficiently.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not realize I as a physical being have limits
that cannot be crossed and that whichever pace I work on is good
enough because that is the pace my being currently manifests itself
as – not to say I “get to slack off” - I forgive myself that I
have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself to be working too
slowly out of laziness, not realizing my work pace is connected to
the rhythm of my entire existence, and that in order to speed up if
necessary I am to look at what makes my being slow or fast at that
moment and work on that instead of forcing myself to adapt to a
certain pace.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to believe that to be hard-working is to suffer.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to use the words “work hard” when I have
actually meant “work to one's best ability”, not realizing the
difference that lies within the words themselves.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not realize that to work to my best ability,
“to do my best”, is to be clear about the starting point for my
actions, and to know myself in order to be mindful of what I can
actually do and what I cannot (yet) do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not realize that suffering is not necessary.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to abuse others by acting through anger when and
as I have gone into stress.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to attempt to hide my anger even though I have
known that there is nothing I can hide from another human being and
that to believe I can hide myself is to lie to myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to reject a customer within and as thought as I
have been afraid of not being able to fulfill the expectations I
perceive him/her to have towards me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not realize that as I perceive another to have
expectations of me and act accordingly, I create for them a position
of authority over me, neglecting my directive ability as I abdicate
my responsibility over my own experience.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to wish for a customer to decide not to come in,
not realizing that as I do that I create expectations that will
either be met or not be met and will consequently manifest as the
feelings of triumph or disappointment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to react with disappointment when my wish for a
customer to not approach me has not come true.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to fear a customer to judge me and decide to leave
if I openly tell them that they would have to wait for their order
longer than I perceive them to expect.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to perceive all customers to form a one big
authority that determines whether I'm doing a good job or not.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not realize that when I think of me doing a
“good job” I actually think of me doing what I perceive others to
require for them to give me the feedback that tells me I'm accepted,
not realizing that to do one's actual best is a completely different
matter.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to believe that waitressing is a commonly
disrespected profession.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not realize that I accept and allow the belief
that waitresses aren't respect-worthy to exist as I react to those
who live that belief.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not respect my own profession.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not see that as I work as a waitress I deal
with food and drinks - stuff that people put into their bodies that
are their entire being in this reality – and that to deal with
edible substances is a job serving the very basic needs of human life
and is a constructive and thus a “respect-worthy” position to be
doing one's best in – as are all positions from which one can work
for that which is best for all, no matter the scale.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to perceive another to behave in a way that
indicates he/she believes I am in a position where I can be abused,
and react to my perception with the fear of the other “making” me
“less” through his/her abuse, not realizing I have all the power
over myself and that none can abuse me unless I accept and allow it.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then
attempt to make myself “more” to avoid being “less” by trying
to put the other down with anger and trying to override anothers
aggression with mine, not realizing aggression only creates more
aggression and that the cycle will go on and on until infinity and
that within the cycle there are no winners, meaning everyone loses as
that which is best for all is not brought to existence.
I now see, realize and understand that
the expectations about how I should work are imaginary – in fact
they are images – and that I participate in their creation and
maintenance, and thus I commit myself to show myself that as I stop
believing in them and living according to them they stop existing.
I commit myself, when and as I go into
stress, to stop my experience by returning to breath and reminding
myself the reasons I get stressed are imagined and not valid. I
commit myself to investigate what drove me into stress and
self-forgive what I discover, and to direct my experience
accordingly.
I commit myself to work, act, be and
live according to my best ability, and in order to do that I commit
myself to get to actually know myself and not just an image of
myself.
I commit myself to no longer abuse
others as anger by stopping my experience of stress before it
accumulates into anger.
I commit myself to stop setting
expectations about how I would like customers to behave, as I now
see, realize and understand that to set expectations is to set
imaginary limits to life as limitless expression.
I commit myself to stop looking for
validation for my actions from customers/other people.
I commit myself to respect myself as a
being that is one and equal to all life.
As I now see, realize and understand
that abuse does not stop with more abuse, I commit myself to face
abuse as a being that knows no abuse, as that is the only state where
abuse can cease to exist.
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